In this week’s blog I am going to continue on the theme of beliefs and specifically look at beliefs about what you are, or are not, capable of doing or coping with. I have a belief that I am a rubbish singer, my wife (who is a musician) says not. Who do I believe?
Comfort Blanket
Peoples beliefs are a part of their sense of self and identity, and as such there will often be a desire to cling onto them. Especially if holding those beliefs protects them from doing something that would cause them fear, anxiety.
For example, say you are a musician who has a lack of belief regarding your playing. Perhaps you have set rules over what pieces you are comfortable performing, what size of audience, what level of or type of ensemble you are comfortable with.
You can see how clinging to and conforming to these rules will protect you from performances that you would find difficult, uncomfortable and perhaps generate anxiety.
Getting Real
The belief may be right, of course and doing a good job of self-protection.
However some of these beliefs, though completely accepted by the believer, can have limited or no basis in reality. Let me explain how this can happen.
They can stem from early childhood when our minds are like sponges, absorbing our life experiences, but not yet having fully developed our concept of ‘self’, identity or the ability to assess and think critically. Seeing a parent having a phobic fear reaction can teach an irrational fear to a watching child (one of my favourite questions to ask a phobia sufferer is ‘which parent did you learn it from’).
They can be based on a single incident which has been irrationally generalised and adopted as the truth. A bad experience with a large dog can be generalised to all dogs in all situations.
They can be based on an incorrect assumption – X happened to me thus Y must be true. Perhaps the dog was just being friendly?
Choir Practice
I recall at the age of 6 or 7 at my infants school being auditioned for the school choir. We were gathered in the school hall and were called to the front, one by one, to stand alongside the piano and sing a few lines from ‘All things bright and beautiful’. I was called to the front, began to sing and was promptly dismissed back to my seat with a wave of the teacher's hand after singing what felt like only a few notes. I returned to my seat, red faced, with a new belief about my abilities.
Inconsiderate Beliefs
The reason that such beliefs are often called ‘limiting’ is because they limit your actions. I’d also suggest that firmly held beliefs stop you considering the alternatives or even attempting to think about them rationally.
1. The belief may not be true.
2. The belief may only be true because of your belief in it. (Self reinforcing)
3. Your belief may be true but you can be taught to overcome it (and this is often easy)
So perhaps I can sing. I have not really tried – why would I as I know I can’t?
If I did try and sing, knowing I can’t – perhaps I would do it half-heartedly, mumbling and so self-conscious that even if I did have the ability my approach would hold me back.
I could have lessons. But what if the tutor says I don’t have the ability? I can visualise myself standing at some other piano, squawking away and pretending not to notice the poorly disguised grimaces on the face of the tutor. Besides I’m quite happy not singing, it doesn’t really matter.
Can you see from my slightly tongue in cheek statements how easy it is to rationalise beliefs and thus support them, cuddling your comfort blanket?
Does this include you?
So in case this is getting all a bit abstract for you, have you ever found yourself saying something along the lines of:
- I’m just not good with money
- I can’t exercise, my body just isn’t made that way
- I know I shouldn’t but I just can’t resist
- I can’t possibly do that ! (With accompanying look of disbelief that you could even have asked)
- I don’t have time
The last one is a favourite, the only evidence you need is being busy and can use that to avoid doing anything you like without feeling bad!
Testing, Testing
Now beliefs are useful things. They protect us, they give us a model of the world we live in and how to interact with it. They are also fundamental to what we get out of life and our ability to cope when life throws us a challenge.
So it is important that our beliefs are correct.
So why not test them? Let’s experiment!
My belief - I can't sing. To experiment with my belief I just have to sing anyway. I don't judge, I just sing without worrying about how it sounds. I just notice.
So for you, how about doing that thing you think you can’t right now and just notice the result you get. This is the experiment. You are not intending to achieve any particular result, just noticing and learning.
The Learning Cycle
The idea of testing beliefs is central to the field of Cognitive Therapy and the excellent Oxford Guide to Behavioural Experiments in Cognitive Therapy (Bennett-Levy et al, 2004) suggests the following process:
1. Plan: What is the belief – how can you test it
2. Action: Do the test, experience the results
3. Observe: Notice what happened
4. Reflect: Make sense and learn from the results
Repeat as necessary, moving from ‘reflect’ to creating a revised ‘plan’ as the belief is adjusted in the light of evidence gained by experience.
It is important to keep in mind that we are not trying to disprove anything here – this is an exercise in clarity. We need to be prepared for the evidence to either dispute or support the belief.
If the base belief is supported we can then adjust the belief to include to concept of learning – perhaps I can’t sing and we now have evidence to support that; the next step is to extend the belief to ‘I can’t sing now’ and test that.
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Are you prepared to test your comfortable beliefs?
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