A funny thing happened…
A funny thing happened to me this weekend. I took an early afternoon nap on a bunk and woke up on the wall. My world had moved.
My wife and I have a love of sailing with our friends in their cosy yacht and like most sailors on occasion we like to see just how fast we can go. We can be quite happily coasting along, usually in the Solent, and another yacht will come into view behind us. Catching up with us. How dare they! At this point our leisurely cruise turns into a race. No words need to be spoken. The other yacht’s crew may not even be aware that we are now racing. But we are.
Yacht Stuff
Yachts sail by the action of the wind passing over the sails which are formed by careful arrangement of rigging into a wing-like aerofoil shape. This can create enormous force and the yacht is prevented from simply being blown sideways by the weighty keel attached to its hull, a large blade digging into the water below the boat. Thus most of the wind force is redirected into moving the yacht forwards.
I say most as the remainder of the wind force causes the yacht to lean over away from the wind at what can seem an alarming angle. Thus I woke to find my wife on the helm trying to eek an extra knot out of the boat and the world around at an angle of 45 degrees.
The Lesson
I recalled a sailing holiday many years ago, where some holiday flotilla company allowed me to hire a rather valuable 34 foot yacht on the dubious basis that I had a certificate for sailing a 8 foot dingy in a circle. Bit like letting someone drive a Ferrari because they once drove a pedal car. Fortunately I turned out to be a quick learner and was soon racing other 8 boats in the flotilla as we sailed to that night’s mooring. After a few days of this, the flotilla captain on the holiday company boat decided we were ready and challenged us all to a race.
Naturally, like every other boat in the flotilla I hoisted every bit of sail, all aligned and pulled super-taught by ropes winches tightened until they squealed. We set off, gallantly granted a head start, surging through the water, heeled over, spray breaking over the bow, crew hanging off the uphill side of the boat to add extra counterbalance against the heeling forces.
Sometime later the fleet skipper set off, just a single sail raised, halfway up the mast. His yacht sailed flat on the water, no great plumes of spray, no excitement. Surely he wasn’t taking this seriously? We checked his boat with binoculars for any sign of tell-tall exhaust cooling water to make sure he hadn’t done the dirty and put the engine on. Nope, he was sailing, whilst drinking a cup of coffee.
How did he do it?
Imagine our ire and disbelief as he caught and casually, calmly passed all the other boats and ours. He beat us easily but it was worth being beaten to learn one thing – how did he go fasten that our rigged up, heeled over speed machines?
The answer was simple – we had tried too hard. Yachts (at least these non-racing yachts in our in-expert hands) sail more efficiently when flat on the water. There is less contact between yacht and water and less stress on steering, rigging, The vessel has less drag, is easier to control, and goes faster.
Coué’s Law
So why the story about sailing?
I often mention the work of Émile Coué to my clients and students, the famous French psychologist and psychotherapist who is most noted for using affirmations such as his ‘Every day in every way I’m getting better and better’. But the idea of his that I find most interesting is what modern therapists translate into the ‘Effort Error’.
Put simply, this is about putting so much effort or focus into something that you actually sabotage your efforts.
A significant portion of my therapy clients have a problem with an emotion – typically one of anxiety, worry, fear or anger. All emotions that demand our focus and attention. I recall a client with a fear of flying who was unable to maintain a simple conversation in the departure lounge as his mind was just too busy being anxious. Do you think that his focus and mental effort was helping his anxiety or fuelling it? Do you think that really focussing on battling that anxiety would be helpful?
We are all familiar with the demand of strong emotions – that we pay attention and immerse ourselves in them, getting properly anxious, angry or scared !
So what can you do?
Be AWARE
In my work with professional musicians suffering from stage anxiety I teach them a simple, at least in concept, mental tool to use in the face of their anxiety.
From the field of Cognitive Therapy and specifically the work of Aaron Beck and his colleagues comes the AWARE acronym…
A – Accept the feeling as a normal, natural part of yourself. Notice the anxiety in a kind of ‘oh, there it is’ as if the train you were expecting had just arrived.
W – Watch the feeling as if from a distance, as if you could step out of yourself in that moment and be an impassive, impartial observer. Allow the feeling without judgement, noticing and not feeling the need to change anything.
A – Act despite your anxiety. Do not seek to avoid the situation in any way but act as if you are in control as best you can. The goal is not to make the situation easier on you but to practice being better at coping. As you get really good at pretending the line between pretence and reality becomes blurred.
R – Repeat. Practice facing the fear, accepting, extending your ability to act despite it.
E – Expect steady progress. Anticipate improvement with the occasional set back noticing how fatigue, stress and other external factors can cause these setbacks.
An important aspect of this is facing the anxiety but in a very specific, controlled way. A way that does not make the ‘effort error’ and fuel the fire of anxiety with undue focus. A kind of noticing the anxiety and then just getting on with things anyway, shifting your focus away without denying its existence. Of course this takes practice, repetition, yet can you see how eventually the anxiety could become usual, boring? Having faced it so many times and to the best of your ability just got on with the task and got really good at pretending if wasn’t there you will starve the emotion of the attention it craves and needs to persist.